I finished THE LAND OF THE CHEDDAR MONSTER VIVISECTIONISTS!!

Here's the beginning of the 2nd Chapter of

THE LAND OF THE CHEDDAR MONSTER VIVISECTIONISTS II!!

2


I saw that the door was closed but I tried to walk through it anyway. Watching this, Sara was chilled to the phone.

-¡No! -She screamed and then was back on the phone-. I don’t believe it. She just tried to walk through a closed door... Amy, ¿who else?

I had half a mind to paint her car red with black zebra stripes, but then I remembered that she didn’t have a car, just a medical affliction and a black eye.

My parents watched all of this like they were playing Atari Golf with a platypus.

I was a frustrated painter, if you hadn’t figured that out yet. So was my brother. But Jed was also a pain in the ass.

-¿You like? -He asked, holding up a painting he had done of his ass.

-¡Jed! ¡What kind of artist paints his own... -Sara EXPLODED-. ¡Give me a fucking brake job! Oh yeah -She turned to her Atari-playing parents-, ¡I don’t have a car!

-This picture is goddamn obscure -Jed explained with the wisdom of a man-. It kinda looks like a small, furry animal.

-But, but, but -My sister thought she was bulbously funny. The truth was she was closer to a punk-ass like Jed, who ritually threw salt on the living room rug and danced around on it.

-Jed, ¿what should we turn Sara’s room into? -My mom asked.

To Sara, there was no business quite like everybody else’s business and she primarily used her room to write herself invitations to other people’s parties.

-You know perfectly well what we can turn that shit hole into -My dad replied as if someone was talking to him.

-Yeah, an homage to my ass -Jed replied, cluelessly-. ¡I’ll be the artist!

-¡You are NOT turning my room into a shrine to Jed’s ass! And you are all going to stop treating me like the Pear-Of-The-Month -Sara was getting sassy.

-I’ve never met a chocolate-dipped ice cream cone that I didn’t like -Jed so-called replied-. Because I’m a good painter.

My new novel that was is, is is in progress: The Land of the Cheddar Monster Vivisectionists

I've started writing chapter 8, but I have chapters 1-3 typed and on the Vivisectionists web page

My new novel that was is in progress:

Land of the Cheddar Monster Vivisectionists web page

So far I'm in the middle of chapter 6, but I have chapter 1 typed and on the Vivisectionists web page

-¡Mmmmmm! ¡Mmmmmm! ¡Mmmmmm!

Kris Powell furiously poured lamb down his sister’s gullet.

Lindy Powell looked like a watch, complete with dial and stem. It made her look like she always knew what time it was, but, if the truth were told, Lindy looked like a bomb had gone off in her mascara, coloring her entire face a shade of red that made Kris shake his head.

-Thanks for the lamb -Lindy said, poorly feigning enthusiasm. And then, with one rapid movement, the lamb came back up, trying to reanimate itself.

-¡Oh, man! -Kris protested when the mascara exploded, not to mention the regurgitated lamb part.

Lindy knew she was so right:

-Take a chill pill.

Furiously, Kris grabbed the book that was Lindy’s neck and started choking the title page out of her.

-¡Die, you fucking question mark! ¡You wouldn’t know a schwa if it smacked you! -He exclaimed. He knew that his sister detested every page in her own book.

Lindy never ate anything except books. She’d down One Hundred Years of Solitude before Kris could even decide what part of what animal carcass he was going to gnaw on.

-It’s fucked that bombs are always going off in your life -Kris said rabidly.- But it’s no coincidence that your mascara always wins “Honorable Mention”.

-I could make better bombs if you’d help -Lindy said, despicably.


-The Land of the Cheddar Monster Vivisectionists

I Saw Two Good Houses Over There NEXT TO Death

Chapter 4

-¡Put those pies in order by entrails!- Mom ordained. No one was looking to suck up to her, she'd make a pistolero go limp. Her voice tumbled down like Euripides tiptoeing nude through a Miss Vicki salad.

I opened the door. The house smelled like a pitcher of Fresca. My eyes had stopped working when I put them up my sleeve. I was hot, much hotter than any fire.

-The light in the kitchen was just a fire.- Dad said. -I'll call a performance artist to put it out.-

¿Was he serious or had my eyes been disconnected from my electrons?

-¿Why don't you call a saber-tooth tiger?- Mom said in response.


MORE OF 4 HERE

Jesse reading Chapter 4

I Saw Two Good Houses Over There NEXT To Death
by Don Cheney - a multimedia project by Max Cheney

Max & Mat at Torrey Pines State Beach May 14, 2005

Just across 110th Street

pimps trying to be mischievous or sweet,

and here is a sandwich and suddenly

the beautiful edge I was tying

to running on a treadmill

will not reply.

Max - May 5, 2005

Max & Meredith -- April 18, 2005