"Your dummy is pretty fucking rude"

Check out Max's multimedia project for my novel,

The Land of the Cheddar Monster Vivisectionists

from Say... ¿Aren't U A Monster?

-I'm not saying that, goddammit, I'm quesadilla'ing it -Evan contested, rapidly losing touch.

-The salamanders are here -Andy said, because she couldn't resist.

Evan ran out the door and two salamanders ran after him. This was Evan's big chance to join the Army. But the door was actually closed and Evan ran into it in a full gallop, the whole scene lasting only a second in human time.

The cover to my novel-in-progress,

Say... ¿Aren't U A Monster?

Max and Bobby Seale

more photos HERE

16

One day later, despite school, Kris was walking home with Cody. They were touching hands and cackling. The trees laughed at them as they passed by, moving branches to see the spectacle better. The boys clasped hands like reindeer and jumped in the air, falling to the pavement.

-I haven’t had so much fun since I urinated this morning -Kris was refunding the fun he had sold to Cody yesterday.

-Me too, except I was reading the encyclopedia this morning and trading on the stock market
-Cody said, pocketing the fun that Kris refunded into his long red robe.

-There’s like a zimbillion dentists in the encyclopedia. They’re right before dorks -Kris said-, but after television announcers. At least that’s the impression I get when I glance toward the Yellow Pages.

Cody hissed like Tim Roth in “Planet of the Apes”.

-¿Are you voting for Nader? ¿Is he running? ¿Or would you rather vote for ice cubes or puddles of water?

-Olive juice -Kris kept the refunds funning.

They cruised the calle. Just a couple of guys pissing on passing pie vendors. Another couple of guys wearing white uniforms were on the escalator, recounting their days as Contras when they would pin people down and plunk out their eyes like they were water buggers.

-Those Contras were nasty, little motherfuckers -Cody commented.

-They were teeming with nastiness -Kris sugared the truth.

-Speaking of nasty, little motherfuckers, ¿what are you going to do with Mr. Madero? -Cody asked.

There's No Room In The Garden


I have ten acres of land and a pair of ant hills

What I need is a unique experience

An experience that doesn't feel like I just got done having it



I need room in the garden

For boll weevils and piranha

For life

I'm a satellite

And I'm old

And it's fall



There's no room in my garden

I have roses

cat turds

even the comatose body

of James Joyce!



I need help

I cultivate my garden

I put in long hours

I long for more room

But there's no room in the garden

If I pulled out the roses

I'd feel sad

I need help

I need God to come down and pull out all of my teeth!

"SUPER" BATTER by "Don" Cheney

I finished THE LAND OF THE CHEDDAR MONSTER VIVISECTIONISTS!!

Here's the beginning of the 2nd Chapter of

THE LAND OF THE CHEDDAR MONSTER VIVISECTIONISTS II!!

2


I saw that the door was closed but I tried to walk through it anyway. Watching this, Sara was chilled to the phone.

-¡No! -She screamed and then was back on the phone-. I don’t believe it. She just tried to walk through a closed door... Amy, ¿who else?

I had half a mind to paint her car red with black zebra stripes, but then I remembered that she didn’t have a car, just a medical affliction and a black eye.

My parents watched all of this like they were playing Atari Golf with a platypus.

I was a frustrated painter, if you hadn’t figured that out yet. So was my brother. But Jed was also a pain in the ass.

-¿You like? -He asked, holding up a painting he had done of his ass.

-¡Jed! ¡What kind of artist paints his own... -Sara EXPLODED-. ¡Give me a fucking brake job! Oh yeah -She turned to her Atari-playing parents-, ¡I don’t have a car!

-This picture is goddamn obscure -Jed explained with the wisdom of a man-. It kinda looks like a small, furry animal.

-But, but, but -My sister thought she was bulbously funny. The truth was she was closer to a punk-ass like Jed, who ritually threw salt on the living room rug and danced around on it.

-Jed, ¿what should we turn Sara’s room into? -My mom asked.

To Sara, there was no business quite like everybody else’s business and she primarily used her room to write herself invitations to other people’s parties.

-You know perfectly well what we can turn that shit hole into -My dad replied as if someone was talking to him.

-Yeah, an homage to my ass -Jed replied, cluelessly-. ¡I’ll be the artist!

-¡You are NOT turning my room into a shrine to Jed’s ass! And you are all going to stop treating me like the Pear-Of-The-Month -Sara was getting sassy.

-I’ve never met a chocolate-dipped ice cream cone that I didn’t like -Jed so-called replied-. Because I’m a good painter.

My new novel that was is, is is in progress: The Land of the Cheddar Monster Vivisectionists

I've started writing chapter 8, but I have chapters 1-3 typed and on the Vivisectionists web page

My new novel that was is in progress:

Land of the Cheddar Monster Vivisectionists web page

So far I'm in the middle of chapter 6, but I have chapter 1 typed and on the Vivisectionists web page